


Fake Happy

by seungminnie_bby



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Depression, Homesick, M/M, Multi, idk how to tag this lmao, sad? ig lol, sensitive topics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17942402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungminnie_bby/pseuds/seungminnie_bby
Summary: Bang Chan is a perfectly healthy, young man. He works hard, always does well and is always caring for others.He doesn't think that way about himself, however. He talks down on himself and always makes himself lower than other. Stray Kids are here to remind him that he is loved.akaThe book in which Stray Kids look after their depressed leader, Bang Chan





	1. Thank You, my Friend

Chan pondered through the quiet, almost empty house, at the early hours of the morning. He went into the kitchen and put a coffee pod in the coffee machine. His tired eyes kept fluttering closed every couple of seconds as the coffee poured into a cup Chan left under the spout of the machine. His blond, wavy hair flopped every which way in his usual morning hair curls. Once the coffee was done, Chan took the cup from under the machine and took the milk out of the fridge. He poured the milk into the coffee and he swirled it around with a spoon that was left on the counter, likely from his last cup of coffee he drunk 2 hours previously. He went into the living room and saw a figure standing in the darkness. Chan didn’t want to turn on the light, as it was A: too early to be basking about in bright light, and B: too bright for his eyes to handle at half 3 in the morning. Chan just stood, sipping his coffee while he and the figure made eye contact (he presumed).

“Chan-hyung, go back to sleep.” He heard the groggy voice of Changbin groan, before flopping onto the sofa bed Chan had made up for himself. Chan walked over, sipping his coffee, and he sat next to Changbin on the fold-out sofa bed.

“Why are you awake, Changbin-ah?” Chan asked, sipping his coffee once again.

“Do you sleep downstairs often?” Changbin asked, avoiding the question.

“Well, to be honest, I don’t “sleep”, I just kinda…I don’t know…lie about while I drink coffee. This sofa bed is probably the best thing I ever bought, to be honest.” Chan put the cup on the ground beside the sofa bed, beside 2 other cups from the past evening. He lay on the bed beside Changbin and looked up at the roof. “I just haven’t really gotten proper sleep since I left Australia, y’know. I thought it was homesickness at first but now…I don’t really know, to be honest. Just nothing can keep me asleep anymore. Coffee has become my best friend. To be honest, coffee is disgusting. I hate drinking it. But I don’t drink or eat anything that would give me the energy I need to stay awake every day without falling asleep.” Chan felt tears well up in his eyes.

“I just want to go home someday so that I can see my family and friends. I've gotten so busy that it almost seems like I'm putting my career before my own family. Its starting to seem like that, and I absolutely hate it. I just wanna tell them that I'm sorry for everything; for leaving Australia, for not talking to them, for…for everything. I'm a horrible person, and I don’t even know why any of you guys wanted to debut with someone like me.”

Chan’s voice broke, and he pulled the pillow from under him. he covered his face and sobbed. God, he didn’t want to show this side of him to Changbin. he just told Changbin basically his whole life story and the young boy remained silent. He got up off the bed and left the room without any words spoken. Chan cried harder, knowing that Changbin was probably about to tell someone about this. He didn’t want anyone else to know.

“Hey, open your eyes, Chan-hyung.” He heard Changbin whisper. He felt a gentle tap on his exposed arm, and the pulled the pillow away, sitting up on the sofa bed. Changbin sat in front of him. he took Chan’s hand and put something in it, closing Chan’s hand around it.

Chan opened his hand and saw a necklace with the words:

CB97,

3R

engraved on a section of a heart. Changbin reached into his tank top and pulled out another half, so now it spelled

CB97, SPEARB

3RAC

Chan smiled to himself. Changbin looked up at Chan and smiled at the older.

“I have one more for Jisungie. I still need to give it to him, though.” Changbin put the necklace back under his shirt and he helped Chan put his on. Chan smiled and Changbin pressed a gentle kiss to his neck when he was finished putting it on. “It’s a little present since our 2-year anniversary is coming up. I thought I’d get us something special to remember back to when we first debuted as 3RACHA.” Changbin got up and pat Chan’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Binnie. I love it…so much. Thank you.” Chan hugged Changbin’s waist, burying his head into the younger boy’s stomach. Changbin ruffled a hand through Chan’s hair and smiled.

“I'm going to bed now, Chan-hyung, okay? Ill let you lie down here with your coffee-”

“Stay with me, Binnie.” Chan looked up into Changbin’s brown eyes. “Please. I want to cuddle someone.” He pouted, and Changbin clutched his face.

“How could I say no to you when you use your puppy dog eyes on me?” Changbin smiled, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to the leader’s lips. He climbed over Chan and got into the bed beside him. Chan immediately engulfed the younger boy in an embrace, letting his legs drape over the smaller boy’s body. Changbin buried his head in Chan’s chest, holding him close.

“…you smell nice, hyung.”

“thanks, I showered today.”

“you smell like strawberries and vanilla.” Changbin whispered. Chan pressed a kiss to Changbin’s head, and snuggled down. He closed his eyes, but was immediately woken up again by a slight poke in his chest.

“Yes, Binnie?”

“Can you sing me to sleep, hyung?” Changbin whispered, almost in an embarrassed tone. Chan giggled, hold the boy closer.

“Of course, Binnie.” He began to sing Insomnia, singing quietly under his breath. Before he reached the bridge, Changbin was breathing steadily against Chan’s exposed chest. The older boy smiled, and closed his eyes, and, before long, he had drifted off to sleep…


	2. It's Okay to Cry

Chan brushed his blond locks off of his face as he sighed to himself. He took a deep breath and lay back on the sofa at the back of the practise room. His forehead was sweaty and his chest felt tight. His members danced away at the front of the room, while Chan ran off to the sofas at the back. He couldn’t breathe, and he had a sharp pain in his chest. He took deep breaths and drank nearly 3 whole water bottles, but his chest still hurt. He lay down across the small, grey sofa and covered his face while he took deep, deep breaths.

“Chris-hyung, are you okay?” a voice belonging to Jisung asked. Chan wasn’t used to members other than Felix calling him “Chris”. His face went red, and he nodded. Jisung sighed. “No, you're not. What’s wrong, hyung?”

“I don’t know, Jisungie. I'm just sore and my chest hurts.” Chan said, trying to turn over to look at Jisung who sat cross legged on the ground.

“You're sick, hyung. You need to go to the doctors.” Jisung said, looking with sad eyes at his leader. Chan shook his head.

“I don’t need to, Jisungie. I'm fine. My doctor told me that I'm healthy the last time I went to him. I just get like this sometimes, I'm okay.” Chan nodded. Jisung sighed, sitting up on his knees.

“Okay, Chris-hyung. I just care for you. That’s all. Take your time, hyung. Don’t wear yourself out, okay?” Jisung put a small hand on his leader’s cheeks. “Look after yourself, hyung.”

Jisung kissed Chan lovingly, pulling away after a moment or two. He pat his cheek twice and stood up, returning to practise and apologising on both the boys’ behalves.

 

Chan managed to get through practise after his chest finally stopped hurting a few minutes after Jisung left. He went home that night and sat down at the dinner table to eat his dinner. He didn’t feel well to eat with the other members earlier. But now, he was quite hungry. He sat alone at the large kitchen table and ate a slice of cold pizza, stale fries and chicken that tasted like crap. He ate it nonetheless, being happy that he gets _something_ for dinner. He took a drink of his water and ate the last few fries. He sat at the table and looked at his empty plate. He felt a sick feeling in his stomach. He blamed the pizza. He stood up to leave the table, when something (or rather, someone) launched at him.

“Chris-hyung, catch me!!” Jisung yelled, flinging himself across the kitchen at his leader. Chan quickly put the plate down and caught the brown-haired boy. Jisung promptly fell to the ground, resulting in him lying across Chan’s feet with his arms outstretched. “carry me, Chris!”

Chan scoffed and picked up the younger boy. He held him bridal style, with the younger rapping his arms around Chan’s neck. He looked at the older boy with a smile on his face.

“You caught me, hyung!” he smiled, burying his face into Chan’s neck. Chan went red, and he carried Jisung over to the sofa in the living room. Chan threw him onto a couch opposite a tv. Chan made his sofa bed and lay on it, patting the bed beside him. Jisung made grabbing motions with his hands, and Chan rolled his eyes. He went over to Jisung and picked him up, he carried the younger boy over to the sofa bed. He fell forward onto the bed, squashing Jisung under him. Jisung squealed, before wrapping his tiny limbs around his equally as tiny leader. Chan kissed Jisung’s neck, sending the younger into a frenzy of giggles and squeals.

Chan rolled over and let Jisung laugh out of his high. Jisung eventually calmed down and turned his head towards Chan. He rolled onto his stomach and sat up on his arms. He smiled at Chan, and Chan smiled back. The two talked about random topics for ages, before Jisung declared he was going to bed. He left Chan alone in the living room, and Chan lay, looking at the roof. He reached into his sweaty jumper and pulled out the necklace. He wondered if Jisung got his necklace. He wondered when their necklaces message would be complete.

Chan couldn’t sleep that night. He kept rolling around his bed, but he just couldn’t get comfortable. He was so tired and wrecked and knackered and he couldn’t keep his eyes open. He wanted to sleep really badly. He bundled his blanket up and he hugged it. His exposed, pale back was cold in the open night air. Chan hugged his blanket tight, wrapping his leg around the bundle. He didn’t realise, but, when he started to think about tomorrow’s practise for their newest comeback, he shed a tear. When he was finally aware of the tears, he just cried. He let out his emotions. He couldn’t keep them in anymore.

He missed Australia. He missed his family. He missed his friends. He missed Sydney. He missed the warm sunny days by the beach. He missed everything about home. He didn’t even want to think of Australia or home anymore. The word “Australia” made him sick in the stomach.

He hadn’t noticed the bed dip slightly. He hadn’t noticed the pair of arms that snaked around his waist. He hadn’t noticed the fluff of hair that brushed against his back. He hadn’t noticed anything, until he heard a faint sob from behind him. he turned his head slightly. He could just about make out the voice behind him.

“Jisung?”

“Mhm…” Jisung grumbled. Chan immediately turned around to see Jisung lying there, crying while desperately trying to hide his face. Chan sat up and cupped the face of the squirrel boy. Jisung held the small hands of the older as he cried. Chan had an expression of worry on his face.

“Jisungie what…what’s wrong?”

“You, Chris. You're making me cry.” Jisung replied. Chan was confused. Jisung sat up and faced the older.

“Chris, I can’t stand seeing you like this. It hurts me knowing that you're upset and not looking for help at all. Please, just listen to me before you get all accusing. I've known you since 2015, and you have always been so to yourself. If you were struggling, you wouldn’t ask for help. You were adamant to do everything yourself. Like that one time you had a panic attack, but wouldn’t tell us, and you almost…you know…did the bad thing with the knife and…you know what I mean. If we hadn’t come home when we did you wouldn’t be here.

“I just want to tell you that you are an amazing person, and you are loved by all 8 of us; no matter what anyone might say or do. You are loved, trusted, worshipped, cared for, and so much more. We all love you, even if we don’t tell you first hand. You are an amazing person who deserves absolutely everything and- ugh! You can be so thick sometimes Chris! I love you, so does Changbin, so does Lix, so does Woojin, so does Jinnie, so does Jeongin, so does Seungmin, and so does Minho! You are an amazing person and you need to know this! Please! Listen to me and go to a doctor sometime about your health. Because you very clearly are struggling to breathe a lot. I don’t want it to be anything serious, hyung.”

Jisung was crying now, but he was trying so hard to smile. Chan was crying too. The two were hugging and crying into each other’s embrace. Chan was whispering “thanks you”s into Jisungs hair. Jisung cried into chans embrace, holding the older boy close as he did so.

“I will, Jisungie. I will. I appreciate you all so much for caring for me. I love you all so much. Thank you and Changbin for existing. If you weren’t there at that time then…well, let’s not think about it now. But you guys mean the world to me. I'm so happy to have you guys by my side through everything. If you weren’t here with me, I don’t know what I’d do, honestly.” Chan sobbed. Jisung nodded.

After the two sobbed out their emotions and love to each other, they fell asleep. Except Chan. He stayed awake all night, stroking the younger boy’s hair. He sat, staring at the wall in front of him, all while stroking the dark brown hair of the young boy. Chan just couldn’t sleep that night. A sharp pain in his chest kept him up. The next day he would visit a doctor as per Jisung’s request. He would make the kid happy by going to the doctor to prove its nothing, and that he’s perfectly healthy. Yeah, that’s a good plan for the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:  
> Chan loves affection, and the members know this so they regularly give their leader little smooches to try cheer him up. In case anyone was wondering why both Changbin and Jisung have kissed Chan ☺️


End file.
